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Celebrity Weekend Round-Up! June 18, 2007

Posted by psimitar in celebs, Uncategorized.
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Jennifer Anniston Musical? / Spears Pink Panty Alert! / Hilary Duff is so cute…le gran tetons. / Seth Rogan Hot or Not? / Alba v. Paris! / 2 Legit 2 Care / D-List Star Given Fair Shot / Richie’s Get out of Jail Free Baby? / Clarkson 07 Tour Canceled, Curves Contacted…see all the details after the jump! (more…)

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Deemed ‘Straight!’ June 8, 2007

Posted by psimitar in celebs, props.
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First of all thank you for citing my blog, Sarah Warn! But you got me all wrong, I’m about as straight as Ellen Degeneres herself…although her doppelganger, Owen Wilson is straight so I can see where the confusion could arise. Hope all your readers know I was being satirical in my Jolie post and not bashing. I hear that gets you executed in the lesbian community!

“Oceans” Drying Up… June 7, 2007

Posted by psimitar in celebs, rant.
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Ugh!

Actually they’re overflowing thanks to America’s greedy energy habits [I’ve got 18 A/C units cooling the front yard for my 2:30 pm electricity-cotillion! You’re all invited, just show up in a hummer or private jet please.]

Oceans 12 was a nightmare of a movie. For the first time in my adult life I verbally groaned from the “acting”, non-compelling plot twists, and the overall masturbatory style the movie played itself out. Here’s the creative meeting I envisioned for moving Oceans 12’s plot to its final stages:

[CREATIVE GENIUS #1]: Julia Robert’s character Tess Ocean remarkably looks like the movie’s version of Julia Roberts, so let’s do an impromptu switch-out to get the characters closer to their mark. How’s that sou–oh, you’ve got something on your face.”

[CREATIVE GENIUS #2]: {WIPING WHITE POWDER AND BLOOD FROM HIS UPPER LIP} Err. Um, I think it sounds believable and the audience will identify with our clever inside joke. More whiskey and cocaine?

[CREATIVE GENIUS #1]: Yes please. I can still feel my left nostril.

Ugh, snore-fest.

Oh, and the press junket for these goddamn Oceans movies…this clip of the comedic masters George Clooney and half-mongoloid Matt Damon makes me nauseous!

Oceans 13 dries-out tomorrow, June 8th!

I’m so tired of her and her snakes. June 6, 2007

Posted by psimitar in celebs, rant.
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Ok lesbians at [AfterEllen.com], we get it. You love Angelina Jolie; you even awarded her the #2 position in your version of Maxim’s Hot 100 list. I admit she was hot for a while, but don’t you get bored with her humanitarian carryings-on in Eastern Europe, Africa and Cambodia?

Oh btw, Benneton wants their family planning campaign back. Brad Pitt’s junk hasn’t seen fertile ground since Jolie allowed him a one-shot full access pass to her uteran eden for Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt [what a name!]…

Have you silly-sallys even considered her scary weight-loss habits as a psychological cry for attention? Darfur should read “Dar-for Publicity,” or maybe she’s just suffering from Darfurexia?

After she saves the world, I just want her to calm down, get on her fuel-guzzling private jet [“oh, but the environment!“] and go have a big cajun dinner at her New Orleans estate…you know, the one she’s hardly ever at. At least it makes her seem Katrina-sympathetic; katrinathetic.